Quaint Little Tea Party
by The Shinsengumi Muses
Summary: All Quatre ever wanted was a tea party, so why won't the GW Boys just let him have it!? 1x2, 3x4


Warnings: Comedy, 3x4, 1x2/2x1, light angst (if you're Quatre) OOC

* * *

Quatre ran around the small safe house kitchen, frantically looking for some cookies, crackers, anything! Trowa was going to be back from his mission at any time, and Quatre wanted to be ready for his beloved. 

'_Where are they? What happened to all the food?_' Quatre demanded to his presently vacant mind. Receiving no answer he settled on a half eaten box of animal crackers. '_At least I know Trowa will like them.'_ He reasoned silently, that being the only positive thought running through the blonde's mind. 

After running around the kitchen for a few more minutes, the Arabian took a step back and surveyed the small table with relief. There were only two things missing. The teapot, which was warming on the stove, and his beloved. Smiling, Quatre went to read in the den and wait for a certain emerald eyed pilot. 

Three hundred pages later, the petite blonde looked at the clock and sighed. He would have headed to the bathroom, intent on taking a shower, but a knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. 

He hurried to the door, throwing it open. He was greeted by a brown haired pilot, but not the right one. 

"Hey Q! What's up?!" Duo asked with a cheeky grin. From behind him, two other brunettes stepped out of the shadows. One was the pilot he'd been waiting for. 

"Welcome back." He replied, his voice deceiving even him as it sounded glad to see the braided American, and stoic Japanese pilots. In reality, all he wanted was the European there. Quatre then heard the teapot in the kitchen call to him. 

"Hey Q! Are you gonna treat us to a tea party?" Duo asked grinning. 

"Only if you mind your manners." Duo pretended to be shocked. "Me? Mind my manners? What are you talking about? I'm shocked! It's him you need to be careful of." The loud American ordered, gesturing to Heero, who merely yanked on his braid. "Ow! Damnit Heero! Stop doing that!" Duo yelled. Trowa shook his head, Quatre sighed in defeat, and Heero let go, but not after giving one last pull. Duo glowered and Heero ignored his partner. 

"Duo," Quatre interrupted, trying to calm himself down, "there will be -**no**- swearing during tea." Duo grinned, and Quatre sighed in relief as he felt Trowa's arms wrap around him. 

"They've been like this the whole mission." Trowa whispered into the blonde's ear. "Except now they aren't starting fist fights, just so they can start groping each other." Quatre shivered as his mind processed Trowa's words. 

Duo blushed slightly looking over to the Japanese boy. "Hee-chan is the one that starts it! He can't keep those hot hands offa my sexy body!" 

"Don't flatter yourself." Heero retorted back, crossing his arms. Duo hopped over to where Heero was sitting and plopped himself onto Heero's lap. Heero shifted, making himself more comfortable, and now Quatre crossed his arms. 

"No groping during tea either!" He scolded, and Trowa stifled a laugh induced by his koi's tea drinking rules. 

"Aww. Well, I won't grope!" Duo replied, wiggling his hips on Heero's lap. Quatre disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a pot full of steaming tea. When he looked around the table Duo was kissing down Heero's neck attentively. 

"Maybe you two should get a room." Trowa suggested, but Heero shook his head. 

"Duo will contain himself." 

Duo snapped to attention in an instant. "Says who?!" 

"Says me. And, if you don't, you'll be sleeping in your Gundam tonight." Duo pondered this for a minute, then resumed his frantic kissing. "Duo..." Heero growled, and Duo looked up at him innocently. 

"What? Tea time hasn't started yet!" 

"Actually, it has." Quatre spoke from where he was pouring Trowa's drink. Duo sighed, but stopped his kissing. Instead he began nibbling on Heero's ear. 

"Duo.." 

"What?" Duo asked as Heero swatted at his lover's face. 

"You're breaking the rules of tea time." The blonde growled, which caused Trowa to choke on his lion shaped animal cracker, one of the many such crackers in front of him. Heero looked at the blonde in surprise too. Quatre shook his head in disgust and ran into the kitchen. Trowa stood up, but not before glaring at the braided baka. 

"You know how much this means to him!" Trowa scolded and Duo exhaled deeply for effect. "God, the little pilot is so sensitive." Duo commented and Heero looked at the time. 

He abruptly stood up and left Duo to tumble to the floor. The Japanese boy began to walk off, but Duo growled, "What is it with you?!" Heero turned around for a moment and said four words, "Oral report to J." Duo slammed his fist into the floor, luckily not splitting any knuckles. "Come back for the tea party!" he shouted after him and Heero replied with a muffled, "Aa." 

Duo turned around, looking left and right and getting to his feet. He felt a rather large object in his pocket and raised an eyebrow, pulling it out. He eyed the container and looked at the tea with a smirk. Oh yes, it was too, too simple. He unscrewed the top and poured the components of the bottle into the tea. With a giggle, Duo looked around to make sure no one saw and tucked the bottle away in his pocket. Without another warning, the fifth pilot burst through the room, glaring at the Deathscythe pilot. 

"MAXWELL!!" Was the last word before the braided boy was thrown to the floor in a web of deserving anger. 

* * *

Quatre had his arms crossed on the counter top, nearly sobbing into them. Trowa walked into the room, behind him and quickly hopped to the blonde's side. "You know how Duo is, he probably doesn't even realize he does it-" 

"It's MY TEA PARTY!" Quatre shouted abruptly, cutting Trowa off. His koi took a step back, surveying the scene carefully. "Quatre, I'm sure he will be better if we make some minor adjustments..." Quatre lifted up his tear streaked face and looked to Trowa with an incredulous tone and expression. "Trowa! We couldn't get him neutered!" 

"I wasn't talking about that!" Trowa said quickly and Quatre was left to blush, his face now showing. "Then what were you talking about..." he asked carefully. 

"I was going to suggest threatening him." Quatre nodded, walking over to Trowa, hugging him. "Thank you, you're always there for me." 

"Of course, koi. Now shall we go?" Quatre nodded, walking to the door and gripping the handle. A voice sounded as soon as they jarred the door open slightly. 

"Wufei!! Get the HELL OFFA ME!! I didn't think it would make you resort to this!!" 

"Maxwell! Did you think any man would let what you did slip?!" 

"A man? Funny! I don't see one anywhere!!" 

Trowa and Quatre peaked around the door to see Wufei tackling Duo on the floor, ready to either kill him or screw him, neither of the on-lookers could tell. The audience became larger as Heero hopped down the stairs and froze, looking at Wufei and Duo. His eyes moved from the two, and then they turned cold. As he turned to walk back up the stairs Duo noticed him. 

"Hee-chan! Help! Wufei's trying to kill me!" 

"You're right I am!" Wufei yelled, and Trowa was left to stare at the place his koi had occupied as the blonde ran back into the kitchen. Trowa looked to the two on the floor and slowly marching over to them. Leaning down, Trowa pulled Wufei up first, then Duo. Pushing Duo towards the still frozen Heero, Trowa turned his anger on all of them. 

"Damn you all! This is important to Quatre, and you're acting like a bunch of five-year olds!" The three had the courtesy to look down in embarrassment. First Trowa turned his attention to Wufei. "If you would like some tea you are welcome to stay Wufei. I'm sure you will behave yourself. However," Trowa then turned to the two near the stairs. "Heero, you are welcome to stay as well. Duo, you are not. I hope you realize Quatre wants you to be neutered." Duo's mouth fell open, and he looked at Trowa, silent in his shock. 

"About time." Wufei mumbled under his breath, and Trowa shot him a dirty look. Wufei shot Trowa the same look in return. 

"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to talk to Quatre. I suggest you all apologize by tomorrow at the latest. And I also suggest you get out of here before Quatre comes back, Duo." Duo nodded, and Trowa opened the door to the kitchen once more. 

As Trowa left, Heero turned and continued up the stairs, leaving the feuding pilots to themselves. Duo, seeing the murderous glint in Wufei's eyes, ran up the stairs two at a time to catch up with his koi. 

* * *

"Trowa! All I wanted was a small tea party and those idiots won't even give me that!" The blonde cried out into his koi's shirt and Trowa did his best to calm the blonde's hysterics. "Shh, it's okay. How about we have a tea party, just the two of us?" 

Quatre looked up, his eyes gleaming. "Really Trowa? That's all I wanted from the start!" Trowa nodded and lead the blonde back into the dining area, which was vacant from all pilots. There was a small note left on the table that explained a lot on Wufei's part. 

Left to clean the pink hearts and 2x1's off of Nataku.   
-Wufei 

Quatre nodded, and picked up the tea pot, pouring two cups for himself and Trowa. Trowa did his best to make the blonde happy in every way possible. Even if the tea /_was_/ cold. 

* * *

"I can't believe that Quatre wants me neutered! That's just /_wrong_/!" Heero locked the door behind him as Duo had previously passed him on the stairs. He looked to Duo with an amused look on his face. "You know, he does have a point." Duo glared and then shook his head. He began to unbutton the shirt he was wearing suggestively, toying with each and every one of the buttons. Heero raised any eyebrow. 

"Do you want me neutered, Hee-chan?" 

"Hell no. I said I saw /_Quatre's point_/, if he ever tired to touch you or do that, I'd kill him." Duo slipped the shirt off his shoulders and let it clung to his arms. "Why would that be?" Duo voicing his question huskily. Heero walked over with an inhumane smirk drawing his features. 

"Why should I tell you when I can just as easily show you?" Duo smirked, lowering himself to the bed quickly. "Show away, Hee-chan!" He nodded, fulfilling his request and claiming his lips. Nibbling down his neck, as Duo had before getting kicked out of the tea party, Heero suddenly bit hard, causing Duo to squeak slightly. 

"What was that for, Hee-chan?!" Heero grinned, "I have a lot to get you back for. During the mission, you /_did_/ start a lot of fist fights." Heero said, pinning his arms down and straddling his legs. 

"Hidoi! Hee-chan!" Heero bit again, this time slightly harder than the last, drawing a bit of blood on Duo's chest. He quickly lapped up the blossom of blood that opened there. "You're gonna get it so bad for this, Hee-chan!" Duo vowed loudly, trying to sit up so he could pay Heero back as well. But, no matter how hard he struggled, Heero held him down tight, biting places on Duo's body, and then licking any blood that came up. Duo was reminded of a vampire. And, knowing how hard it was to fight those irresistible creatures of the night Duo relaxed, much to Heero's happiness. 

* * *

When Wufei came in from cleaning Nataku he thought he'd been working for too long. There was no way he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. So he rubbed his eyes, ate an animal cracker, and looked again. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly the same as he'd seen before. 

Quatre and Trowa were still at the tea table, but now Quatre was wearing a blonde wig, dress, and pinafore. Trowa, poor, poor Trowa, was wearing something Wufei felt was much worse. Somehow or another, he'd become dressed in a white rabbit outfit. And he didn't seem to mind it at all. 

Wufei rubbed his eyes again and then pinched himself. This couldn't be happening in real life. Trowa then looked to his watch and began to run with a start. "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!" He ran over to Wufei quickly. "No time to say 'hello,' good-bye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!!" His voice became frantic, hopping out the door and Quatre smoothed out his blue shirt chasing him. "Oh please Mr. Rabbit! Wait for me!" He followed too, hopping out the door. Wufei watched as they flew past him, over to a tree. 

He shut the door and went to a window to watch the play continue. Trowa was half-in, half-out a hold at the base of a tree, struggling to go further or back. He wasn't making much progress either. Wufei shook his head as Quatre watched on, waiting for the next part. "Hurry up, Mr. Rabbit! We -**must**- get to Wonderland!" The blonde's muffled order made Wufei chuckle. 

"Down the rabbit hole, huh?" He walked over to the tea pot and smell the contents. "They sure are odd drunks. What a quaint little tea party." He joked, and made a mental note to himself to check up on Trowa the next morning, just to make sure he didn't suffocate. 

* * *

OWARI 

June 21, 2001   


**Gundam Wing Fanfiction Index**


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